Thanksgiving 2012 - Progress

It's time for an update. I had a small relapse over the summer, but kicked it pretty quick in the fall. The E.D. was starting to set in again, and now that I recognize the connection between the two (caffeine addiction and erectile dysfunction), that is quite motivational to stay off the juice.

I have been successful this time. I've even had a few glasses of Diet Coke at restaurants and they haven't resulted in a tragic slide back into addiction. My wife brings caffeinated beverages into the house all the time and I do not drink them. Keep your enemies close, they say (referring to the beverages, not my wife).

I'm happy to report the Caffeine Dependency-Induced Erectile Dysfunction is completely gone and things are working better than ever. (Yes, TMI again, but this is important evidence for others suffering through similar symptoms.)

My weight hasn't changed at all. I was hopeful that getting rid of caffeine would result in some loss (like I always do), but no luck. Still running. Endurance is good.

I'm still drinking some things with aspartame in them, with the expected results, mostly coughing.

It may be time to apply the (little bit of) willpower I have to the next goal. I think I can move the focus away from caffeine.

Time to achieve great things.

Continuing Success

I am writing to you as a new man. I am off caffeine (again) this year and things have been great. I went off in January, and have only had a few since. I am not dog tired every day anymore. That alone is worth the stiff price of admission. Speaking of that, I should add that things are working better "down below," as it were. I know, that's probably too much information, but I seriously thought I was suffering from erectile dysfunction. No, I WAS in fact suffering from E.D., but it turned out to be CIED, Caffeine Induced Erectile Dysfunction. Is that a thing? I found amphetamine-induced sexual dysfunction, but not this. Hey, over on Lance's page, they even say the opposite. I'm here to tell you that there is absolutely a connection between heavy caffeine dependency and erectile dysfunction. This isn't the first time this cycle has happened to me. I am a living laboratory of caffeine addiction.

At any rate, I've been feeling so good I started running again. This has not resulted in much weight loss, of which there is plenty to lose, but I seem to be gaining some endurance. Did an 11 mile run/walk the other day without any adverse effects. Time to ramp it up. I have this feeling like I'm really over caffeine this time, but I don't want to get too complacent. It's very easy to slip back into it. It is everywhere.

The withdrawal isn't going well. I'm sooo tired at work. I want to put my head on the desk and fall asleep.

But I am strong. Screw you, caffeine.

Looking around

I found Heather today, who seems to have noticed that aspartame causes headaches. I agree!

I also checked out the Wikipedia page on Splenda today, which suggests that Splenda is made with chlorine. Yikes!

Another cycle complete, and a new one begun

It's been a while. Sometimes I feel a bit embarrassed to discuss this problem because it seems like I am weak. As a person who believes in taking responsibility for oneself, it is difficult to come to terms with my inability to control myself. It does, however, give me some insight into the mental and physical processes that plague other people addicted to things like heroin and alcohol. It is now my assessment that for people with certain predispositions, quitting any addiction permanently is very, very difficult and I have sympathy for people who want to stay clean but can't. Just this year I set my mind to quit and I did, but something always gets me back on the juice, and it did. I really want to lose weight this year so I am about to embark on another quitting endeavor. Maybe I need to make it all more public and post more frequently in an effort to stay accountable. I am going in for a cholesterol test in mid-December so I have an additional reason to clean up my diet, which, as I've mentioned, means I need to clean up my diet beverages. I am presently on heavy doses of Diet Coke with Lime (I think I had about 92 oz today), so it might take a week or two to wean myself off, but I'm going to give it a shot. I am also going to track my weight. It is so counterintuitive to think that stopping the consumption of a calorie-free beverage would help one lose weight, but that is exactly what happens.

On another note, I drank a Propel Zero last night, which contains sucralose (Splenda), but no caffeine or aspartame, and I was struck with a violent coughing attack. I might venture to say this was the worst and most unpleasant coughing I've experienced in quite a while. I have this rough hypothesis that if I drink it often enough, I might reduce the coughing effect, but who wants to try that? I just quit drinking it. I haven't had Propel for months, nor any other sucralose-containing drinks to my knowledge, so this was a pretty novel sucralose exposure and it was bad. I think I'm done with that.

I am not addicted to sucralose though, so that's easy enough. If only it were so easy to get off the other stuff!

Tomorrow the gradual reduction of Diet Coke begins. Can I make it to zero? I'm pretty sure I can. I have never stayed at zero for longer than a few months, though. I would like to think I have the power to stay clean, but history is not on my side. Yeah, it sounds fatalistic to not have a positive attitude, but I would be full of crap if I act like I have it all wrapped up. It is a constant battle. I am going in with a clear head.

Updates soon.

Back on

Well, I had cut out caffeine completely this summer, but the race season is now over for me, and stress has started to pile on, which inevitably leads to consumption of caffeine. It's not too bad yet, but I have already gained a few pounds in the last month and a half. This addiction stuff sucks.

Explanation

I am doing this because I have noticed some strange symptoms when I drink a lot of certain beverages containing aspartame and/or caffeine (and we might as well deal with Splenda too), so I am going to see if my public declaration of these symptoms helps anyone else to come forward and reveal their own similar experiences. Maybe you think you are crazy or that it must be some other factor. You know hundreds of people who drink Diet Coke and none of them experience these things. Whatever happens, I am here to write it down. I go through cycles, so I see all kinds of things. Sometimes I quit one, sometimes the other, and rarely both. Strange things happen in all cases. I also sometimes consume huge quantities of both, so I see what happens then too. I'm talking on the order of 6 liters a day. That's three 2-liter bottles. Yeah, just me, by myself. I have tried Diet Coke, Diet Mountain Dew, Diet Pepsi, Diet Dr. Pepper, various cheapo brands, and I've sampled many others. When I'm off caffeine, I use Fresca, Sprite Zero, Crystal Light, and some iced teas, all with aspartame. Typically, I am settled on Diet Coke with Lime. That doesn't seem like it would be that important, but I have noticed different effects with each product.

Like what, you ask?

First off, when I drink almost any diet beverage made with aspartame but without caffeine, I get a tickle in my throat that makes me cough. The funny thing is I almost never cough at any other time in my life. I tend to think of coughing as a voluntary activity, and I have proven it by not coughing for years on end, no joke. I'll tell the story of why I feel this way sometime later. Anyway, these drinks create such an irritating feeling that I eventually have to cough to try to dislodge it. It feels like a hair is stuck right in the middle of a swallow, and I can't get rid of it. Of course I can't, because there isn't anything there. Does anyone else get that? Crystal Light is the worst offender in this department. I don't think I have ever swallowed any Crystal Light without coughing shortly thereafter. What is the deal?

When I drink these things, I gain weight. There has been some research out there suggesting that diet beverages may increase weight. I am here to support those findings. Because I go on and off of them every year, I can see the direct relationship. I am an amateur endurance athlete, and weight is something I would like to keep as low as possible, but it is extremely difficult for me when I am drinking caffeine. I have had luck cutting the caffeine and keeping the aspartame, and losing weight. Based on that, I am currently blaming the caffeine.

When I am addicted to drinks with aspartame, a lack of it gives me a specific type of headache. This pain is way in the back. I call it an occipital headache, because it feels like my occipital lobe is swollen and pressing against the back of my skull. I have sometimes thought that it might be stress from withdrawal tightening the back of my neck because massaging that area feels soooo good when I am trying to quit aspartame, but the feeling is really higher, right on the bulge in the back of my head. It can be remarkably painful.

When I drank a lot of Diet Mountain Dew, my eyeballs hurt. It was most noticeable when looking in any direction as far from straight ahead as possible. In other words, looking to the extreme right or left, all the way up or down, and all the way around, my eyeballs literally hurt. I have no explanation for this, and I can't figure out why it only happened with Diet Mountain Dew, but I swear to you, that is what happens to me.

Likewise, there are a couple of these beverages, notably Diet Mountain Dew again, that make my teeth very sensitive. I started using Sensodyne toothpaste at one point because I thought I was getting old and my teeth hurt a lot all the time. As it turned out, that wasn't the cause. It was the drinks. For some reason, this does not happen with any Diet Coke products, which is one of the reasons I tend to drink those when I fall off the wagon.

I'll add more as we go along, but this should get us started and generate discussion if any of you have had these experiences. If you have, let's get it out there.

The War is Long

Thus begins my public, longitudinal, autobiographical, phenomenological research concerning the addictive natures of caffeine and aspartame (commonly called by its brand name Nutrasweet). I have been addicted to these two substances independently and/or combined for about 20 years. I have seen many curious effects from quitting one or both over these years, but have never successfully stayed off both simultaneously for very long. I will be documenting and reflecting on the systemic effects of consuming these substances, usually in the form of diet soda but sometimes other beverages, as they happen, and without foreknowledge of where they will lead. Feel free to join in. I will be eager to read the experiences of others suffering from similar or different manifestations of consumption of these substances as we roll through this life together.