The withdrawal isn't going well. I'm sooo tired at work. I want to put my head on the desk and fall asleep.

But I am strong. Screw you, caffeine.

Looking around

I found Heather today, who seems to have noticed that aspartame causes headaches. I agree!

I also checked out the Wikipedia page on Splenda today, which suggests that Splenda is made with chlorine. Yikes!

Another cycle complete, and a new one begun

It's been a while. Sometimes I feel a bit embarrassed to discuss this problem because it seems like I am weak. As a person who believes in taking responsibility for oneself, it is difficult to come to terms with my inability to control myself. It does, however, give me some insight into the mental and physical processes that plague other people addicted to things like heroin and alcohol. It is now my assessment that for people with certain predispositions, quitting any addiction permanently is very, very difficult and I have sympathy for people who want to stay clean but can't. Just this year I set my mind to quit and I did, but something always gets me back on the juice, and it did. I really want to lose weight this year so I am about to embark on another quitting endeavor. Maybe I need to make it all more public and post more frequently in an effort to stay accountable. I am going in for a cholesterol test in mid-December so I have an additional reason to clean up my diet, which, as I've mentioned, means I need to clean up my diet beverages. I am presently on heavy doses of Diet Coke with Lime (I think I had about 92 oz today), so it might take a week or two to wean myself off, but I'm going to give it a shot. I am also going to track my weight. It is so counterintuitive to think that stopping the consumption of a calorie-free beverage would help one lose weight, but that is exactly what happens.

On another note, I drank a Propel Zero last night, which contains sucralose (Splenda), but no caffeine or aspartame, and I was struck with a violent coughing attack. I might venture to say this was the worst and most unpleasant coughing I've experienced in quite a while. I have this rough hypothesis that if I drink it often enough, I might reduce the coughing effect, but who wants to try that? I just quit drinking it. I haven't had Propel for months, nor any other sucralose-containing drinks to my knowledge, so this was a pretty novel sucralose exposure and it was bad. I think I'm done with that.

I am not addicted to sucralose though, so that's easy enough. If only it were so easy to get off the other stuff!

Tomorrow the gradual reduction of Diet Coke begins. Can I make it to zero? I'm pretty sure I can. I have never stayed at zero for longer than a few months, though. I would like to think I have the power to stay clean, but history is not on my side. Yeah, it sounds fatalistic to not have a positive attitude, but I would be full of crap if I act like I have it all wrapped up. It is a constant battle. I am going in with a clear head.

Updates soon.